I've got the same thing I've been working on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel the series cross over Like Stone that I'm noodling with for wipbigbang (things over 26K already) Picking right up after last week. Connor's meeting Kate in a pub after one of his night terrors.
“I just wish...why won’t these dreams go away? It’s so far in the past now. It’s not like I even feel guilty over Witherington.” I let a good swallow of Guinness slide smoothly down my throat.
“You do about-”
“I know.” I broke in, and she shot me an apologetic look. I polished off my first pint and started the next. “But it wasn’t my fault and I know that. Jasmine had me under her control.” That was true. Wes had thought I wasn’t under Jasmine’s control because I knew what she looked like. I could see her for what she was because she was my daughter but that didn’t make me immune to her mind control. Our shared blood merely made me immune to the cure. Me seeing Jasmine as she was didn’t mean she didn’t pull my strings like a puppet master, or so I tell myself so I’m not a complete and utter monster.
I would always feel horrible guilt for the murder of the girl whose name I would never know. Most of my adult life had been lived in atonement for that. I hated not being strong enough to break free of Jasmine’s hold, loosen myself from my psychosis. I had been everyone’s pawn up until I came back to myself. I had wanted an Irish surname that meant free but I couldn’t find one so I found something that embodied my life. That’s why I chose the name Devlin. It meant ´unlucky.’ And for the most part it was true. I lived life the way I wanted to, on my own terms but there were shackles on me. Angel’s name was stamped into every link, and I could hear them rattling through everything I did. I had been a luckless bastard from the moment I was conceived.
“I wasn’t talking about her.” Kate locked eyes with me. “I think you’re filled with regrets and guilt over your relationship with your father.”
no subject
“I just wish...why won’t these dreams go away? It’s so far in the past now. It’s not like I even feel guilty over Witherington.” I let a good swallow of Guinness slide smoothly down my throat.
“You do about-”
“I know.” I broke in, and she shot me an apologetic look. I polished off my first pint and started the next. “But it wasn’t my fault and I know that. Jasmine had me under her control.” That was true. Wes had thought I wasn’t under Jasmine’s control because I knew what she looked like. I could see her for what she was because she was my daughter but that didn’t make me immune to her mind control. Our shared blood merely made me immune to the cure. Me seeing Jasmine as she was didn’t mean she didn’t pull my strings like a puppet master, or so I tell myself so I’m not a complete and utter monster.
I would always feel horrible guilt for the murder of the girl whose name I would never know. Most of my adult life had been lived in atonement for that. I hated not being strong enough to break free of Jasmine’s hold, loosen myself from my psychosis. I had been everyone’s pawn up until I came back to myself. I had wanted an Irish surname that meant free but I couldn’t find one so I found something that embodied my life. That’s why I chose the name Devlin. It meant ´unlucky.’ And for the most part it was true. I lived life the way I wanted to, on my own terms but there were shackles on me. Angel’s name was stamped into every link, and I could hear them rattling through everything I did. I had been a luckless bastard from the moment I was conceived.
“I wasn’t talking about her.” Kate locked eyes with me. “I think you’re filled with regrets and guilt over your relationship with your father.”
I snorted and drank some more stout.